I realized, I haven’t been writing a lot because 1) I’ve nothing spectacular to share and 2) lately I’ve been feeling that whatever I write won’t be ‘perfect’ enough for anyone to read. The idea of having my thoughts out in public (to people I know), rather to myself, actually does pressure me.
But I’m writing because I feel like both 1 and 2 are now irrelevant. Here’s what happened this year.
Days before my birthday, I’ve been feeling excited to leave the year behind and officially say goodbye. The night before I turned 25 years old, I reflected (cause what is caitdegreat without a little reflection) about year 24. And in one word, 24 was a dream. Literally. It was a year of a lot of important firsts. My first job offer. My first job. My first paycheck. My first boss. First successful project. First work failure. The first time I went on a date. My first boyfriend. First time meeting his family and friends. First kiss. First fight. First breakup. First heartbreak. The first time I started my own business, which lead to a series of different businesses. The first time I realized how to make money on my own.
Thinking back, I can’t believe all this happened in 12 months, or even shorter. But they happened. It wasn’t a dream. They all just sort of fell in line, and were one by one happening before I could choose to say stop.
The thing is, I didn’t imagine the year 24 to be like this. I’m sure everyone had plans changing mid-flight, and I am just one of those people. Around April, I felt lost. I left my first job, tried and failed to start a clothing store, and I wasn’t sure what was next. June, at what I consider to be my lowest point, I thought of how I was turning 25 soon and had nothing. I lost everything important to me, my love, and even my dreams.
Looking back, June to September, I was earning the most I’ve ever earned in my life, with proper guidance from my parents. Yet, I was still so depressed with myself, because society thinks that if you’re not employed, you should be studying or doing something “important”.
Around May, when I stopped receiving salary monthly, I decided to make my own salary by taking advantage of both the situation, and my resources. I was my own one-man team. There were hard days I wanted to quit and give up, but my mom would tell me to make hay while the sun still shines. And even if I did want to stop, for some reason, the business would not let me go. I’m not saying starting a business is easy, it’s not. And I wish I could take all the credit, but I wouldn’t be where I am, if it wasn’t for my mom.
A word of advice, to make money you only need 3 things:
1. A dream
2. The drive
3. Support
The rest will follow.
We should always find meaning in everything we do. Which, I only realized a little bit before I turned 25 years old. But, better late than ever. I always think about what my mentor slash papa once told me before, ‘right now, it won’t make sense – but when the time comes that it does, you’ll realize why things happened the way they did.’
I am grateful most especially towards my mom, who helped me when I didn’t know where to go.
I’ve been thinking lately of how wonderful life really is.
It’s not easy to start again. But it’s really simple and I can’t believe I only realized it now. If you just believe in yourself – there’s a lot of amazing things you can do.
caitdegreat 