After being in quarantine for more than a year, I’m a bit uncertain whether I’ll still be able to socialize ‘normally’ once things start to ‘normalise.’
That may be a rhetorical question, because I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to do fine. The truth is, I don’t like talking online anymore. We’ve seen a lot of articles surfacing nowadays on how this pandemic has changed our way of life. For me, it was my socializing skill that was affected.
I’m almost sure it affects empaths a lot more too, people who value emotion above everything else. “I want to know you, but I can’t ‘feel’ you through my screen, and I haven’t ‘felt’ you in too long.” I can’t see a person’s happiness as they talk about their little achievements, the truth in the eyes, the light on their face.. and that irks me. Online conversation also almost feels transactional.
This pandemic made me realize how fleeting the days and years are. While I don’t believe in ‘wasted years’ (because we’ve made them count somehow), what makes life truly meaningful are relationships with other people. And these two years, I’ve struggled with exactly that. I am losing touch. I’m an introvert more than ever. There is less tangibility in words.
There have been several instances, I’ve questioned why I have so much trouble listening and keeping up a conversation online, when pre-pandemic, I reveled in chatting with my friends 24/7. Am I still capable of listening, let alone socializing properly? There are days I can even go without socializing with anyone at all, so I have to internally remind myself to talk to someone. My boyfriend and I try to call every night for at least 30 minutes (via Scener).
It’s definitely nothing personal if replies now come after a week, or more. If the words are shorter now on text, than they would’ve been before. Or if responses sound disinterested. When in fact I’m hoping to have a sleepover with you (if you are a girlfriend) or a coffee date or something more personal (video calls are ok too). It all boils down to how I don’t want to have this ‘important’ conversation with you over social media anymore. You are way too important to me for that. I can’t wait to hear your by the sound of your voice.
Someday that handful will open up to a multitude of unfamiliar conversations. While that will most certainly be super awkward, I’d rather have that pause of ‘I dunno what to say to this person in front of me’ than none at all. It’s going to be the best awkward moment of my life, and I’m already looking forward to it.
I guess that’s what one year of isolation does to you.
caitdegreat 